Dear Overachieving Perfectionist: You Don’t Have To Be Everything To Everyone
As a highly sensitive, overachieving, perfectionist, and people pleaser with high expectations for myself (that I don’t ever seem to reach anyway), I know what it's like. To feel like you have to be everywhere to everyone all the time. Most days, it's even hard pleasing yourself let alone everyone else.
I often find myself either burnt out or on the fast track to being burnt out.
You’re always on the edge. And while you’re getting your 8 hours of sleep each night, you’re alway waking up feeling restless and overwhelmed?
It’s a harsh reality to know that you can’t be everything to everyone all the time (including yourself, especially yourself). And to know that sometimes you have to put yourself first before others to stay sane and continue being a functional human being.
But it’s true. You don’t have to be everything to everyone all the time.
The truth is you will never be able to please everyone.
It seems like some people make it their personal vendetta to be unhappy with everything and everyone, but that’s not a reflection on you or your work.
My fellow people pleasers, do not try to take on their weight and unhappiness. You cannot fix other people’s unhappiness and problems for them.
Happiness is a choice, gratitude is another choice, and every day we make choices about our lives.
Choices about what we want. Choices about who we are. Choices about how we act. Choices about what we do.
We make all kinds of choices everything - about our clothing, our food, our environment, our friends, our living situation, etc. You are not responsible for the choices that other people make. You are, however, responsible for the choices you make.
So choose to let go of what you cannot control.
It is not your responsibility or weight to carry.
Choose to get out of bed every morning Choose to do the inner soul work. Choose to go through the pain and heal yourself. Choose to go to therapy. Choose to educate yourself. Choose to grow, to learn, and to be better.
And if at the end of the day, you feel like you’ve somehow failed yourself and everyone around you, choose to not give up and try again tomorrow.
Self-love, happiness, self-care, gratitude, trust, patience, kindness, empathy, connection, friendship. These are all choices. We can choose to have them or not, but they are still our choices to make. The good new? These things are completely within our control.
But things like the judgment of others and rejection - those things we cannot control, so do not spend too much time worrying about those things. Or trying to attain the approval or love of everyone around you.
The only approval and love that matters is your own.
When you choose to love yourself, you set yourself free. From the expectations, the judgment, and the not feeling good enough.
My dear friend, you are doing great.
Keep going. Do not be too hard on yourself. Try and try again; every day is a new opportunity to do better and to be better. Remember to take care of your body and your mind; you only get one of each.
Dear friend, you don’t have to be everything to everyone.
But you do have to be something to yourself.
You matter. Make sure you know that.
With lots of love,
Molly (your pep talker whenever you need one)
Hi there! I'm Molly, the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Wholehearted Woman. A storyteller, introvert, self-love advocate, and multi-passionate creative with big dreams and even bigger fears. I help women find their voice, share their stories, and authentically embrace who they are.
You can read more about me and my mission here.