It's been quite a week.
Lots of tears and ugly cries in my bedroom. Lots of “Am I good enough?” conversations with myself. Lots of doubt and fear for what seems like every second of the day.
And the thing is...
I’m the one creating this chaos in my life, and I know that.
But I’m scared.
I’m scared that I’ll “never” be able to break out of this vicious cycle. I’m scared that everyone else will figure out their own life and leave me behind. I’m scared that I’ll never learn how to genuinely unconditionally love myself.
I’m scared of not finding peace.
Feeling grounded, aligned, and abundant.
But the truth is: I’m doing really great, and I haven’t been giving myself enough credit.
Because I’m not the same person I was a year ago. Or even six months ago.
Am I where I want to be yet? No, but...
I don’t get so negative, angry, and emotional about things as often anymore. And when I do, I bounce back quicker and I remind myself to stay in the present.
Because anger takes up room. Room for happiness and love. For productivity and action. When you could be spending your time being yourself and doing more of what makes you so incredible and happy.
Anger is addicting, because you want to feel like you’re right (but that doesn’t mean you are right) - and it’s been hard, letting that go. I’m addicted to my negativity because it feels safe and familiar, but it’s holding me back.
you have to create space for the person you're becoming.
We have to create space for who we want to become, because we have to build new habits and let the old ones go. We have to be willing to create new stories and let the old stories go. We have to be willing to change, and part of that change is learning to give myself credit where credit is due. To love myself and remind myself that I am doing a great job.
Because sometimes, all we see is the day to day, but you have to look at the bigger picture.
I’m starting to show up more. Even when I’m scared. Even when rejection (over and over again) is very much a possibility.
Showing up regardless of how I feel every day is still something I’m working on, but I’m much better at it today than I was a year or even 6 months ago. And I have to give myself credit for that.
Baby steps are better than no steps at all.
You have to give yourself some credit for that (and by some, I mean a whole lot!).
Otherwise, you’re going to burn yourself out. You’re never going to feel like what you’re doing is enough. You’re always going to want more, more, and more, from yourself, from other people, from the world, etc. You get the point, but… take the time to appreciate what you have and who you are in this moment right now.
We all have hard days, and you’re allowed to have them.
But don’t let one bad day turn into four bad weeks.
Feel your feelings. Take some time off. Rest, relax, and reflect.
And then get up and keep going.
Life isn’t a competition you have to win. You’re not racing with others; they say comparison is the thief of joy, and it’s true.
Go at your own pace, and learn to be okay with going at your own pace.
You’re not racing against time. Or other people. Or even yourself.
You can be proud of who you are and where you’re going, while working towards who you want to be and where you want to go.
Learn to appreciate things and be grateful now, because otherwise, it’s never going to feel like enough. It’s always going to be “more, more, more” and you’ll continue trying to chase the feeling of enough. But enough is here. Enough is right now.
You. Are. Enough.
Sometimes, all you need to do is get another pair of sunglasses (i.e. change your perspective and attitude).