How To Stop Blaming Other People For Your Own Unhappiness & Take Control Of Your Own Life
I see a lot of people in this vicious cycle of blaming the world and other people for all their problems and repeating their bad habits, and I see it because I use to be deep in it.
In fact, I did this a lot. Probably more than anyone I know, which is why I can also say with confidence that change is possible but only if you want to change. Unfortunately, the truth is that people don’t change unless they want to change. It doesn’t matter how much you want someone else to change; you cannot change other people and even if you do, if they’re not fully committed and intentional about it, it’s not sustainable.
And that goes the other way around too. Until you are ready to change, like really ready as in ready to put your ego aside and repeatedly check yo’ self and your attitude, it’s not going to happen.
But I want to tell you how gooood it feels when you start taking personal responsibility for your actions and your life.
You are in control of your own life.
You are in control of whether you let your anger take over.
You get to choose whether to keep complaining about it or do something about it.
Because living a life where you constantly enable yourself to feeling like a victim, feeling like everything bad is always happening to you exclusively, feeling hopeless, trapped, and moody all the time isn’t fun. For you or for anyone else.
Honestly, I’m surprised people stayed as long as they did when I was this way, because I wanted to check out of life a long time ago. It got so bad to the point where I didn’t want to be around myself anymore, and I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to be around me because well… I was so annoying.
My point is there’s hope. Even if you’re the biggest Negative Nancy and naysayer ever, there is hope for you. You can change, but you have to be the one that wants to change.
How to stop blaming others for your unhappiness and take control of your own life:
1. Be aware of your own thoughts, actions, and energy.
Every morning, I journal about what I’m thinking, how I’m feeling, what’s on my mind, etc. It’s a way for me to check in with myself to see how I’m doing - some people do body scans, some meditate, some do yoga, etc. Find a way to check in with your mind, body, and soul.
I also do brain dumps at least once a week to just get everything down, and from there, I can process and digest everything. Just get it all out there and be aware.
What are you saying to yourself? What kind of vocabulary are you using? What is the general theme of the people you spend the most time with? What kind of thoughts and emotions make up your day?
You can’t change something if you’re not aware of it. If you never look at your bank account, you won’t know how much money you have and how much is due for your credit card statements.
Becoming aware is the first step to feeling empowered.
2. Make a list.
What do you have control over? What don’t you have control over? What can you start doing to educate and empower yourself? What limiting beliefs are you still holding on to and why? What are you grateful for? What new habits do you want to develop?
Once you become aware, you can make a plan.
While we can’t control those around us - ex. if they’re unhappy and negative all the time, we can control the amount of time we spend with them or if we even spend any time with them at all.
And maybe you’re thinking… isn’t that a bit too much? To just cut people off like that?
Maybe, but to put things into perspective: If someone’s boat is sinking and you don’t know how to swim, how are you going to save them if you can’t even save yourself?
Here’s how I see it: You can choose to let go and start taking responsibility for your own life, or you can hold on and sink together. Because misery loves company. If you don’t want to be miserable anymore, you have to do something differently.
If you’re unhappy, it’s not someone else’s fault. It’s yours.
We’re all adults here, and part of being an adult is taking responsibility and making decisions. Making a decision is scary. Letting go of your excuses and drama is scary.
But ask yourself what’s scarier: Feeling like a victim for the rest of your life or getting outside of your comfort zone?
You get to choose whether you want to hold onto your anger and frustration when something bad happens or doesn’t go your way, or you can accept that life is messy and sometimes things don’t go your way, and remind yourself that life is happening for you and not to you.
You get to choose whether you step away from a situation to cool off and come back later to calmly talk it out and decide, or you can choose to make a rash decision rather then and there based on your current emotions.
You can choose to change your perspective, attitude, and mindset, or you can choose to continue living in lack, fear, guilt, and blame.
It's not other people's job to make you happy.
That's on you.
Stop holding onto the negative emotions.
Stop trying to prove you’re right (you don’t have to be right all the time).
Stop choosing fear and anger over abundance and love.
You’re going to be okay.
Accepting that you’re responsible for the outcome of your own life is scary, but it’s also exciting. It’s exciting to take back your own power and stop handing it out so easily. It’s empowering to not let other people affect your decisions, thoughts, and emotions so easily.
Letting go of feeling entitled - feeling like the world owns you something - is a good thing. It’s a really good thing.