The Fear Of Putting Yourself Out There
How often do you get an idea and plan, brainstorm, and plan some more before putting it out there into the world? And how often do you find yourself trying to perfect this thing?
I do this. All the time.
And the reason why I do it is because I’m scared.
I’m scared it won’t be good enough. That other people might not like it - and what if they don’t like me? What if I say the wrong thing? What if other people think I’m a joke? What if no one cares?
In situations like this, I ask myself what the worst case scenario is. And for me, the worst case scenario isn’t someone saying no.
It’s someone coming up to me and saying to my face a list of reasons why I’m not good enough, why I’ll never amount to anything, etc.
But my worst case scenario is also … living the same year over and over again and reliving the same fears over and over again and watching me hold myself back.
(Related: 5 Reasons Why We Continue To Doubt Ourselves)
So despite how scary it is, I put myself out there i.e. outside of my comfort zone.
... because as scary as it is to think that someone would come up one day and tell me all the reasons why I’m not good enough, it also scares me that I’ll be exactly where I am five years from now.
And I don’t want that for myself.
So I put myself, my writing, and my heart out there, even if it’s not perfect, even if it feels messy, even if it feels vulnerable, even when it feels like I have no idea what I’m doing, even when it feels like it’s already been said and done.
I keep going, and that’s what it takes. It takes you showing up and putting yourself out there.
Not once, not twice, not when you feel like it or when it’s convenient for you, but all the time.
I know first-hand what it’s like to only want to share the nice and tidy parts of your life.
And how scary it is to be honest with your tribe. Maybe you struggled with getting out of bed this morning, maybe you cried yourself to sleep last night, maybe you overworked yourself recently and now you feel burnt out, or maybe you're a great advice giver but struggle to follow your own advice.
Recently, I've been feeling like I had to put a brave face on. Like everything was okay, when it felt like everything inside me was falling apart. I felt like I was falling apart, but who would want to hear that? Sometimes, you do so well for so long (or at least longer than you've ever gone) and the last thing you want to do is admit how horrible and alone you feel.
Putting yourself out there is scary. It’s scary for all of us.
And that’s why not many people do it. That’s why there will be always more be consumers than creators. Some people will never take the leap.
Ask yourself what you want.
Some people are okay with being average and staying the same. Others aren’t. So which one are you? And no judgment here, because this is your own life and your own story to figure out. I can share my own journey with you, but my journey isn’t yours and your journey isn’t mine.
What we want in life aren't the same things. Our goals are different. Our way of getting there is different. The people we surround ourselves with is different. So please don’t go comparing your journey to someone else’s, because their journey isn’t yours.
Go at your own pace - and know that that's good enough.
And if it isn't, that's up to you to change. No one else can do it for you.
Despite what the FB ads tell you, you do not have to take your business from "zero to hero" overnight.
Spoiler alert: Overnight success is not a real thing, and expecting yourself to be is an overnight success is the quickest way to burn out and feel like a complete failure. (Yeah, I’ve been there. …more than once…)
When Wholehearted Woman launched this year, I was burnt the koala out. Really. Truly. I just slept my way through the whole first week of my launch, because I spent hours and days and weeks hunched over my laptop. And you would think that would be enough to learn my lesson about taking care of yourself, right? ... story for another day.
It’s okay to take your time, but taking your time doesn’t mean not showing up. It means maybe you don’t have to show up all at once. It means you don’t have to be on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, etc. all at once.
It means taking action and doing what feels good to you, which is not the same as doing things when the timing feels right and the stars feels aligned.
The big take away here: Do what feels good to you.
Look, I know you’re scared.
I’m scared too. Because as Wholehearted Woman continues to grow and get bigger, I have to let go of control. I can’t control how other people are going to react or what they’re going to think or say - not that I ever could, but when you’re starting out, you tend to only attract the people that really care and believe in your vision. That are in complete alignment with you, because you haven't really figured out how to make your website, email newsletters, etc. look super nice yet.
I’m starting to realize and understand that as you grow, things change. And I wish people talked about this more, or maybe I need to go find the people that do talk about this.
Not that my numbers are huge by any means, but they’re growing every day. And as they grow, I hesitate to share parts of my life that aren’t so … well put together … because it’s scary, right?
But the change we want to see in our community and the world starts with us.
And until we decide to stop being so scared and stop showing up, nothing is going to change. Because guess what? If we’re scared, everyone around us is probably scared too.
Because as much as my heart craves vulnerability and real conversations, I can't help but worry if that's going to be reciprocated.
We’re human beings and we want to feel connected with one another. We want to feel like we’re part of something and that others like us.
And putting yourself out there might give someone a reason to not like you, but … isn’t it more important that we learn to love ourselves?
So put yourself out there, because the world needs you.
And I think you need yourself too. The you that's been in hiding. The you that has a story to tell and a message to share.
The world needs your vulnerability, your authenticity, your beauty, your truth.
So what makes you, you? Start putting yourself out there and share your story with the world.
I know that I talked a lot about my own fears and being afraid, but the journey is actually not as scary as our minds make it up to be.
Hi there! I'm Molly, the founder of Wholehearted Woman.
Be the person you needed when you were younger and share your story, because you're the one who someone else needs today.