A Letter On Why It's Okay If You Don't Have It "All Figured Out" Yet
Hey there, friend.
You might have noticed it’s been a little quiet around here. (Okay, so I’ve completed abandoned this place for a whole month. It happens, right?) At the end of last year, I set out on a grand adventure to build a loving and supportive community - one built on empathy, understanding, and honest conversations.
So what happened?
Well, somewhere along the way, I lost my way. In fact, I lost my way several times.
Honestly? I’ve been too ashamed and embarrassed to say it out loud. For the past few months, I’ve been silently thinking to myself, “Well, it’s really not a surprise. It’s not like you have a great track record for keeping up with things. You can’t be that surprised.”
Do you ever do that to yourself too? Do you also have an inner mean girl voice? One that criticizes, judges, and points out every “bad” thing you do?
The truth is that I’m scared of admitting that I don’t have it figured out. Consciously, I know that most people don’t have it all figured out. After all, perfection doesn't exist. But there is a part of me that keeps whispering, “…but you should have it figured out by now. How long is this going to take you?” or better yet, “When are you going to give up already? This path isn’t for you. It seems to be working for other people, but just. not. for you.” (A story for another day.)
Do you have those voices too?
Because you’re not alone and I’m not alone. We’re not alone in this.
It’s taken me months to write this. I kept saying to myself, “Someday, I’ll…”, but we all know someday never comes, right? Those “somedays” are us giving ourselves a way out.
So instead of writing the perfect blog post for you, here is this one instead: Unedited, open, honest, real, and a little bit messy and all over the place. No beginning, no middle, and no end. Just my honest and real thoughts, feelings, and emotions - right here, right now.
And the thing is… I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Because while yes, it pains me that I don’t have my life figured out yet. And while yes, I have a lot of problems and issues I have to work through, I am actively working through them.
If we were in a garden, you could say I’m on my knees pulling out the weeds. I’m here trying to plant good things into my life. I’m watering my plants, and I’m trying not to worry about how other people’s gardens look like compared to mine. (Because I know that once I go down that rabbit hole, it’s very hard to get back out.)
And while I may not be a good gardener yet … I will be one day. I will know my way around the garden.
So if you’re like me and if you’re feeling a bit confused, know that it’s going to be okay.
You are still worthy of your own love. In fact, you are always worthy of your own love. It is not something to be earned or deserved. It’s yours - for the taking. For real. No need to ask for anyone else’s approval or permission.
So a few things...
Remember to shower yourself with love. Be kind and compassionate with yourself. Water the good plants in your life and allow them to blossom into something beautiful. Also, give yourself time to do this. It’s not an overnight process, but I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you this.
Remember to ask yourself the hard questions. The uncomfortable, vulnerable, scary, and often messy questions. Dig deep and be real with yourself. You have to bring awareness into your life before you know what needs proper fixing. Read books and listen to those who have been on the road before you.
Remember to surround yourself with people who unconditionally and wholeheartedly love you. Those who empower and inspire you to be better, stronger, and braver. Those who are willing to be there with you on your darkest days, so they can be there with you on your brightest days.
Remember to get up again after you’ve fallen. Rejection happens, and it happens to everyone. Do not let other people’s reactions to you dictate how you see yourself, because you cannot control how other people think or feel (and once you understand that, you will feel much lighter, happier, and free).
Remember that every day is a new day and every moment is a new moment. Do not worry about what happened yesterday or five years ago, because it has already passed. Focus on the present instead. What can you do today to get closer to your goals? And remember to be grateful for what you have while getting to where you want to go.
It will be okay, and you will be okay.
Let whatever it is you need to let go of go - do not keep holding onto the things, stories, people, etc. that are holding you back. Move on to better and brighter things.
Wherever you are in your life, know that you are not alone and there are people who will understand your journey. Here’s a post I wrote a while back on why we all need a soul tribe - people who get us, the real us.
You got this. I got this. We all got this.
And now, it’s time to do this.
I’m on your side, and I know you can do this.
With lots of love,
Share with me in the comments below: Tell me about your life. How are you doing? What do you need help with? What are you currently working on figuring out in your life?